As I sit here today, I have gotten out of bed for the first time in a while a sat comfortably on the couch in my parents living room. As they have a beautiful home from which this couch I sit on produces a spectacular view of mountains that shade behind other mountains, and lush greenery with trees that show growth with wind. I look out at the mountains and remember that old bible verse I learnt in sunday school, "I look to the mountains and where does my help come from? it comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth.." I sit in pain aching, sore, and praying that today does not bring another episode of pain that causes me to burst out in blood curdling screams. As I view the greenery, the trees, the mountains, I can't help but wonder where my God is in all of this. Now don't get me wrong I don't doubt he's here or that he is not caring, I know he's here I just wish to feel his presences when it hurts this bad.
So appropriately I picked up an old book I've read twice before titled,"Where is God when it Hurts?" by Philip Yancey and in the beginning of the book he recalls a girl named claudia suffering from a disease and all the responses christian gave her in their efforts to comfort her. Some said, she must have provoked god with a sin in some way, others said she needed to have more faith and she would be healed, and others told her that she must come to a place of accepting and being grateful for this opportunity to suffer for christ. another told her she had been appointed by god to suffer, and that he will reward her. Like Claudia's story I too am in my first year of marriage and my husband is my rock who's there throughout the stormy weather. Like Claudia I have recieved all these varies of advice and found none to be helpful. Why would you believe in a God who allows suffering from this extent to that of child soldiers and rebel attacks, of such a dreadful thing as cancers and unknown illnesses? Most christians think that pain in gods big mistake. yet, the circuitry of pain that runs through our bodies alert us to harm and mark the genius of god, in allowing us to feel pain so that our bodies may be healed, by feeling where it hurts.
I am one of those people whom philip yancey describes in his book, "those of whom pain is the first sensation to greet them and the last they feel before they drift off to sleep, if they are lucky enough to sleep despite it". The loss of youth, the daily pain, and the prospect of a new marriage gouged by unknown illness, and annual hospital visits. This life was not where I thought I would be 10 years ago, I did not expect to spend my first anniversary in a hospital bed. Yet, when you take a step back and see a kitten thats only a few days old with a brain fully functioning and a a wriggling little body moving around organs so tiny and working how can you not believe in a higher presence?
The problem with pain is we don't understand how to understand it when it last so long and can not be explained. The problem with denying that there is a creator is like Dr.paul brand stated, " the more i devel into natural laws - the atoms, the universe, the solid elements, molecules, the, sun, and even more the interplay of all the mechanisms required to sustain life, -- I am astounded. the whole of creation could collapse like a deck of cards if just one of those factors were removed." how then could all this be by chance? its a complicated issue to deal with everyday, to consider where god is when i am hurting. But what I have found is that the laws by which god created the world are those by which we humans have tampered with, in a sense God has created natural physical laws and every time you populate a world with humans and give them free will you introduce the possibility of abuse of such gifts. for example, We were given food and then some one genetically modified it unaware of consequences and obviously unaware that they could not improve on gods creation, may have caused unknown diseases.
When I am told these reasons for my illness I guess I feel slightly nassacistic because I don't believe in a God that would do such horrid things, or put me through this pain. Rather I believe in a God who created a world with natural physical laws that we humans have distorted, and since the laws are in motion God must allow natural events to occur. I ponder what this means for me and my life.
~ElysiaB
Ps I might post more on this later it just doesn't feel finished.
So appropriately I picked up an old book I've read twice before titled,"Where is God when it Hurts?" by Philip Yancey and in the beginning of the book he recalls a girl named claudia suffering from a disease and all the responses christian gave her in their efforts to comfort her. Some said, she must have provoked god with a sin in some way, others said she needed to have more faith and she would be healed, and others told her that she must come to a place of accepting and being grateful for this opportunity to suffer for christ. another told her she had been appointed by god to suffer, and that he will reward her. Like Claudia's story I too am in my first year of marriage and my husband is my rock who's there throughout the stormy weather. Like Claudia I have recieved all these varies of advice and found none to be helpful. Why would you believe in a God who allows suffering from this extent to that of child soldiers and rebel attacks, of such a dreadful thing as cancers and unknown illnesses? Most christians think that pain in gods big mistake. yet, the circuitry of pain that runs through our bodies alert us to harm and mark the genius of god, in allowing us to feel pain so that our bodies may be healed, by feeling where it hurts.
I am one of those people whom philip yancey describes in his book, "those of whom pain is the first sensation to greet them and the last they feel before they drift off to sleep, if they are lucky enough to sleep despite it". The loss of youth, the daily pain, and the prospect of a new marriage gouged by unknown illness, and annual hospital visits. This life was not where I thought I would be 10 years ago, I did not expect to spend my first anniversary in a hospital bed. Yet, when you take a step back and see a kitten thats only a few days old with a brain fully functioning and a a wriggling little body moving around organs so tiny and working how can you not believe in a higher presence?
The problem with pain is we don't understand how to understand it when it last so long and can not be explained. The problem with denying that there is a creator is like Dr.paul brand stated, " the more i devel into natural laws - the atoms, the universe, the solid elements, molecules, the, sun, and even more the interplay of all the mechanisms required to sustain life, -- I am astounded. the whole of creation could collapse like a deck of cards if just one of those factors were removed." how then could all this be by chance? its a complicated issue to deal with everyday, to consider where god is when i am hurting. But what I have found is that the laws by which god created the world are those by which we humans have tampered with, in a sense God has created natural physical laws and every time you populate a world with humans and give them free will you introduce the possibility of abuse of such gifts. for example, We were given food and then some one genetically modified it unaware of consequences and obviously unaware that they could not improve on gods creation, may have caused unknown diseases.
When I am told these reasons for my illness I guess I feel slightly nassacistic because I don't believe in a God that would do such horrid things, or put me through this pain. Rather I believe in a God who created a world with natural physical laws that we humans have distorted, and since the laws are in motion God must allow natural events to occur. I ponder what this means for me and my life.
~ElysiaB
Ps I might post more on this later it just doesn't feel finished.
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