Down the Rabbit Hole

Tomorrow I will go to the Naturalpath clinic and see my doctor. He will ask me if I want to do tests 6050 and 5085....and I will answer....?

He will reiterate a lot of information at me about the state of my ever decreasing health, we will discuss treatment options based on weather or not I do the tests. And I will sit stressed over the cost of these tests and how they will effect my future. I thought if perhaps I ignored them, they'd go away...nope. I thought if I set up crowdfunding perhaps they'd be funded by the gererousity of the public, which would take the stress off of me, it did not happen. I thought if I pretend I was okay I wouldn't have to worry over tests...I could not pretend to be okay at the same time as I run to the nearest washroom to be sick. Thus my options are dwindling as always, I can ignore them no more. The truth is the options he will give me tomorrow will not compare to my actual and very real options, which are: 

A) I do the $1500 dollar blood tests and fallback a semester because we can't afford to do both. Yet this option gives me the truth in 3-4 weeks of whether or not I have lyme and parasites causing my illness. 

B) I abstain from the blood tests, and wait till September 19th at 12:10pm when I go into Women's Hospital and discuss with a new specialist how investigative surgery will go. Signing away consent form after consent form giving her the ability to perform surgery to explore what my insides look like in the off chance that they could actually visually see what is causing my ailments.   

Seems like if I got the tests now I could find out the answers in time to know if I have lyme and treat it without needing the investigative surgery. I don't want surgery, I desperately don't won't surgery. Being drugged and cut open to further someones research in the off chance that something could be found does not sound like fun to me. Yet, option A of blood tests is too expensive, and we can't afford it. We already pay over $200 a month towards medical expensive (prescribed drugs, treatments, and specialist visits), I really don't want to lose another semester of school because I'm already 2 years behind where I should be in this bachelors degree. I've researched the blood tests in hopes that family and friends might help us with the cost but sheepishly I am having a very hard time asking anyone for help. These options don't seem like options to me they seem like death sentences. I do the tests I push myself back in school, yet find out answers and begin the choices between painful treatment options to cure my pain. I do the surgery and take a leap into the unknown will they find something maybe, can I handle the pain of healing from surgery and depression of no answers if nothing is to be found again? I don't know. All I know is I'm scared. I'm scared of always being in so much pain for so long and never knowing why. I feel like I have to jump down the rabbit hole in the pursuit of all my options because I can not sit here in pain and do nothing. I want to try to get the blood tests done, and have answers as well as know whether or not I should continue on with the surgery? while having high hopes of continuing with school come September.  

As far as options go I have set up a number of crowd funding options on here to try and cover the costs of the blood tests on GoGetFunding and IndieGoGo. As well as a facebook group that has paypal capabilities. I am not good at asking for help and so I'm not asking for your help I'm simply asking for a chance at hope.

~ElysiaB