Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Vacation from me

There is a time for everything, a time to push past the pain and a time for recovering, a time for pushing through and a time for relaxing. When exercising you may start to feel a bit of a burn, but thats nothing compared to the burn and soreness that floods a few minutes after you stop exercising. Similarly when studying for exams you push through the stress and exhaustion, and then finally get sick when you rest. That is a very minor comparison to how I feel today, as I have just gotten back from a wonderful vacation. Although health wise, I am now in bed with shooting electric pains through all my joints, accompanied by fiery throbbing in all my muscles, and many many intense stomach and back pains. This is the price I pay for pushing my body harder than it can take. All the while the week leading up to the trip I had a UTI and a lymph node infection, that I took antibiotics for. Although I continued to have a lot of pain during the trip I refused to go to a Dr. as it doesn't make sense when they don't know my history and I do have an appointment coming up next wednesday with the pain specialist I've been waiting a year plus to see. So I am still attempting to hold out until next wednesday regardless of the pain as I know this specialist may understand, may send me to other specialists faster, and will all around be better than seeing any other Dr. that doesn't know my history, symptoms, or the pain of it all. But mostly, I just have an all around lack of faith in the average Dr. as they have hardly proven to be reliable, along with their offices that set up appointments but handout the wrong date or other information. Seems everything gets muddled, and sad when I go to see them so I don't unless I absolutely have to, in which case I'd still prefer to let it get worse in hopes of revealing the real source of the pain. I'd almost rather handle the pain of letting the symptoms worsen then go to see an average Dr. that doesn't have a clue what he's looking at and assumes it's nothing. At least letting it worsen comes with perks of getting fast tests done, and pain medication, I just don't have time to waste talking to a Dr. that won't believe me. Thus the vacation was a great time to relax along the water and that was much needed.

First we went to Vancouver Island and went camping, biking and walking all over Victoria. Next we went to Salt Spring Island and stayed in a small cottage on St. Mary's Lake, where we lounged inside reading, playing games, had a fire outside and even went kayaking. To finish it off we continued on to the family cabin on the coast and went for long walks and even an 8km hike. And it would be an understatement to say I'm feeling it now. However I am very proud of myself for pushing hard to do the things I wanted so badly to be able to do, as I haven't hiked or biked in a very long time and have never tried kayaking all by myself. There is so much of my life that is controlled by pain and I miss greatly the abilities I had before all this illness to enjoy the outdoors with all sorts of energy. So when I get the opportunity to go out and attempt to still enjoy the outdoors I have to take it for so much of my time is spent ill and sore. If it costs me a week in bed it is well worth it as I know I have pushed my body hard and done my very best. I wish I could do these kinds of activities a lot more regularly and if it were up to my mind I would, but sadly my body's wellness plays a large part in what I am capable of. For now I return to my studies, having registered for classes yesterday and already gotten ahead as I have gotten the notes ahead of time from other students and read part of a textbook.  I feel as though I am managing the non-pain areas of life a bit better for the first time since my gallbladder was removed. In a way it was a vacation from me, as when I am pushing my body to it's limit's and some, I feel like the fun person I was with a bit less energy, but just as happy as I was being outside and enjoying life.

~ElysiaB






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