Saturday, August 31, 2013

Anti-Fatigue Chef Mat 20x60 Lattice Runner

  • Rubber foam with thick, dense cushion core
  • Black faux leather finish with basket-weave pattern
  • Anti-slip backing for safety
  • Easy to clean: just wipe away spills
  • Medically proven to reduce muscle fatigue

List Price: $150.99
Special Offer: check this out!

Product Description
If you do a lot of moving about in your large kitchen, you'll need the Anti-Fatigue Black Chef Mat 20x60 Lattice Runner underfoot the whole way. Place this long runner along your most frequented path so you'll feel like you're walking on air instead of hard tile. Made from durable rubber foam with a thick, dense cushion core, this mat is medically proven to te proper circulation and better posture while reducing muscle fatigue and stress. It's easy to wipe away spills, even though the mat is creatively designed to look just like black faux leather in a basket-weave pattern. An attached anti-slip backing ensures safe footing. Rubber foam with thick, dense cushion core. Black faux leather finish with basket-weave pattern. Anti-slip backing for safety. Easy to clean: just wipe away spills. Medically proven to reduce muscle fatigue. 60L x 20W inches.

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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Mastro Anti Fatigue Cushioned Kitchen Mat - 20-Inch by 36-Inch, Rustic Brown. Reduces back discomfort and relieves pressure points of feet and legs. Durable and stain resistant.

  • Made from durable premium quality material.
  • Very safe with trip-resistant beveled edge and non-slip backing that will stay flat and will not roll up.
  • Easy to clean. Perfect for kitchen, laundry, bathroom, garage and other areas of your home.
  • Non toxic and safe for children and pets. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.
  • 5 Year Warranty.

List Price: $99.00
Special Offer: check this out!

Product Description
Standing on a hard surface does a number on one's body. Studies show that Anti-fatigue mats are able to reduce discomfort and increase productivity for people who stand all day. Therefore, anti-fatigue mats are great for areas of your house where you notice that you stand a lot. For instance your kitchen or garage.

Monday, August 26, 2013

he jests at scars that never felt a wound

The phone rings and I lay in pain watching it, knowing there's no way I'm going to make it through a conversation right now, I can hardly talk to the cat, and to whomever was calling I truly am sorry that I did not pick up. For the past few days I've been avoiding life, it seems I've fallen into this fog of pain that slightly disorients me. I know I should call the doctor and make an appointment, but to be honest I'm avoiding him too. After he told me he didn't think they'd ever figure out what ails me, I just lost faith in him as he did in helping me. Although I know I have to see him for the results of my thyroid ultrasound, I just don't want to see him and be discouraged again. Hope is a necessity when dealing with this mass amount of pain, and I can't lose it, it's all I have. Hope that diagnostically there will be an end to the pain, or at the very least an answer. Hope that spiritually what I go through can have some positive effect on others, to bring glory to God, or at the very least console one other person. Although I have my doubts that either will come to pass, or that it has impacted anyone else. It's hard to see through the fog of all of this, to really know if it makes any difference to anyone but me.

Last night I was up till 3 am because I can't sleep. It all just hurts far too much, and there are no more pain killers I can take. I have a bit of a temperature and severe pain in my rib cage and bones. I awoke today puking and feeling tender, but at least the hard painful lump in the cafe of my left leg has gone. Which ensues another debate over wether or not it's worth going into see the doctor over, and at first we agreed that I should but then comes the question of well what else hurts? The answer is too much. So if I go in which problem will the doctor be able to do something about, and if I go in will he assume its all the fibromyalgia since I have so many oddities within. I don't know, and so I digress that it can wait to get worse or better.

It's hard to be in a frozen state, of perpetual pain and unknown. As I have mentioned before this state of unknown pain makes planning in life a lot more difficult. I just want to please everyone, and sometimes I go to far and it's at the cost of myself. I hope people around me can understand or at least, do not take things the wrong way, if I cannot make it out to an event that's been planned. I never mean to offend anyone and it's only because of being sick that I cannot attend. There is no deeper meaning by not attending, nothing implied, no lines to read between. Yet, I feel as though we each come from our own bias perspectives and sometimes don't first think of where the other person is coming from.

Open and honest communication is so important in life, and yet still so difficult, as I sit frustrated by others perspectives. It's interesting how vocal and judgemental people can be about a situation their not facing day in and day out. When they are not the ones dealing with it, I wonder if they stop to consider how it might feel, or how they might deal with it had it been them instead of me. And I don't mean this directly at anyone in particular so again do not think that there are lines to read between or that it's secretly aimed at anyone. It's just my own perspective at the moment, that I want to be honest about sharing as I know there are many others who deal with the difficulties of human interaction while living with a painful or debilitating disorder.

It's not easy missing out on events that you wanted to go to, with family or friends you want to see. Eventually friends drift away because, after so many cancellations no matter how old the friendship they just stop asking. That's been a hard thing to get past, not only the lose of health but the lose of friends too. Then when events are attended there's always the same polite question of, "how are you?" That's a tough question to not only answer but that I also receive a lot of criticism over.


What other people have said about answering the question "How are you" when in chronic pain:

Sure, it’s just a friendly formality, but what else can you say after you’ve said ‘Hello’?

Seems simple enough, but any self-respecting chronic pain sufferer who wants to appear positive, yet honest may think twice before answering that dreaded question. Would you really like to know what they are thinking?
I know this is a silly question, but I used to be in great health and never thought about how to answer this question. In the past year, I had a car accident and have had lingering issues. Friends or co-workers ask me how are you and I honestly don't know how to answer. I hate to be a downer, but I am in constant pain and facing potential surgery. Answering "just great" seems fake to me. With close friends, I may share more, but I have a really intrusive co-worker who is always asking me details about my medical condition (made the mistake of telling her i was not so great when she kept pressing why I was out of the office for a few weeks). I always feel like I am answering inappropriately. Suggestions from people with chronic conditions?

The questions I hate most these days are ‘What are you doing? ‘, ‘So what have you been doing lately?’, and my all time fave, ‘So what is it that YOU do?’ (that one is usually asked by people I first meet in relation to what career path I’ve chosen)
What DID, DO, or WILL I?
Absolutely nothing, thanks for asking!!!
Well of course that’s not what I say…. I mean, not out loud anyhow. I usually say ‘not much’ or mumble how being a Mom keeps me busy (If they only knew my son is in Grade 5, makes his own lunch every day and is very independent outside of school.), or I try to just change the subject. ‘What are YOU doing?’ seems to be a good enough reply. People like talking about themselves generally, and are only too happy to take the focus off of me and onto themselves.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Doctor, Doctor

Today was eventful, I went to the Doctor waited a 1/2 past my appointment at 11 just to get in. It's amazing how we push ourselves to get places on time, and how it seems quite the opposite for doctors. Any who, I went with a list of symptoms and questions in hand and he addressed each of them. He seemed really genuinely sad that he can't figure me out. I feel bad that he feels bad. Yet, we will try these new pain pills on top of the old ones, I really hope they help, the pharmacist explained that they had a side effect of giving some patients strange dreams. I think if the pot heads found that out they might start taking it too lol. O well, next I went for a stream of blood tests at the Vampires Anonymous Clinic (biomedical towers) and let me tell you that was an eventful trip! As I get out of the car I here a man yelling in his house across the street, followed by two loud shot-like noises. A few ladies in the parking lot called the cops and I went up to the clinic and watched at the clinic window as I waited for the nurse to call me. The cops got there, went in, the man came out and went back in and the cops left. I wonder what happened. After I come out from getting poked, my husband tells me that a poor elderly man just hit an SUV with his car...what a lively neighbourhood. As I return to my cozy nest, and take this new pill, which is known to treat neuropathic pain, I don't feel different I just feel sore and tired. Okay, Textbooks I hear you calling my name and I know I owe you some quality time :).


Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The unhopeful unending

Telling your story, I’m not sure I’m up for the task, there’s no happy ending yet it’s just looking quite dark from here. All I know right now is that my rock bottom was really just a layer of eggshells holding me up from the real fall. There’s a hard immediate reaction that came to me of devastation when I heard that the porphyry test was negative. That devastation seems so silly though because I knew it would be negative, but it was the last hail mary that the doctors and specialists had thought to test for, regardless of it being a rare disorder. I went in having not gotten my hopes up, but somewhere in between I fell again, crushed by the negative testing. Leaving felt like the end. What was left to hold on to?  I asked if there was anything else we could check for, but my doctor sadly said there wasn’t anything else he could think of that we haven’t already checked. It was the same with the specialists, I waited to get into the Internal medicine wing at UBC in Vancouver general hospital. And when I got a meeting the resident took all the information down, and checked me over, and the real specialist entered to say that she didn’t think there was anything she could think to do that has not already been done. So we headed home but on the way I went into extreme pain and had to go back to the hospital emergence room where after waiting two hours the doctor gave me a shot of morphine in the hip and told me to see my GP. 
The pain worsens daily, we pray daily, but I can’t help but feel like It’s going to have to get a lot worse to be figured out. Yet, I’ve been hanging on to the end of my rope, theres only so much pain I can take, and I know I’m slipping. I can feel it as others take more control, over what medications I can take, the regression but into what I don’t know. The thing is every time I’ve fallen, I’ve gotten back up. At times getting back up seems like a reflex as it’s something that you must do, because the only other option is to stay down and that is a dark place I don’t want to go. The Lord, that we believe in is sovereign and has everything already planned before it has happened, he has provided a way to take care of us in all our darkest moment. Most times God has placed people in our lives before we know we need them and we take it for granted, not seeing it for what it is. At this moment I don’t see hope for my life, but I know he who is sovereign has a plan for my life and he will provide light in this dark time. 
Right now, I feel like an earthquake went off in my head, and the sharp rubble spreads through my left ear, jaw and neck. I feel like there’s little imaginary men drilling for oil right under my rib cage on the right side. I can feel throughout my back the pain in my abdomen, it’s become hard to get out of bed and well do anything. Yet the mountain’s look gorgeous, and my dog perks up and gets all giddy when she sees me. So for now I’m okay, because although I don’t feel hopeful I have trust in my God that as I swing at the end of my rope wondering how much more I can take he already knows the stories end. Right now these feeling of sadness there like a singers song, it’s just a part of the tale not the beginning and not end just a part of emotion being expressed.  ffus-ptw4naXLNKMAQRo1yf_Ou4


Saturday, August 17, 2013

Choices make all the difference

Well I'm no Martha Stewart but, today I'm feeling kinda good. I've been prepping for midterms early, done 3 loads of wash, making 2 loaves of honey apple bread for thanksgiving, and I've figured out how to steep tea in my coffee maker when our microwave power went out.

Since the new pain medication kicked in it's been pretty great in some ways and a little sad in others. On the positive side I feel awake. And to say the least it feels like my head has come out of a three year long fog, so that's great. I wake up feeling like I actually got a good sleep that hasn't happened in a long time. My pains at an all time low, at first it took all the sharp electric shock type pains away, then the tenderness, and then even the achy bones and sore throbbing muscle pain. It was miraculous to say the least but, about three days in I got this sharper then before electric shock, like shooting pain up through the lower left side of my back. It was like Zeus released a thunderbolt on my back, kinda scary. It wasn't like any of the other pains I've felt, and ever since it has been super tender in the spot the thunderbolt struck and then a low throbbing around the tender area...not good. yet the other pains haven't returned thats good right? So is this new drug good for me? what was that pain and why? All I'm left with is questions, but Doctor visit next week thats good maybe get some answers soon.Thanks to this new drug today is a better tuesday then last tuesday was. Even though my head is sore and my body's sore I feel capable, and productive and thats really good.

So I've been thinking, I know your going "wow she's think..thats great..." but hear me out. After this thunderous pain occurred I started getting scared, and my hope was fading fast. And this the part where in a story or tv series theres a but, you know the one... Soneone's all, "BUT then...this amazing thing happened... a magical wizard cured me.. and a prince rode off into a sunset..with me of course... and everything was better".

Yet, this isn't one of those stories. And believe me, no matter how much I pretend (in my head of course)  I'm a commentator and my daily life is really an ongoing action/comedy tv series... Lets face it, life's just really not like that at all.

I'm just genuinely me, not a character. A real live person lol. (haha live.)  Each day I am constantly push through a painful disorder and choose to hope that it'll get better, and accept that I can't do everything I want to be able to but I can choose to be happy anyway. Yet, I see people everywhere living like they don't have control over the things that are happening around them. They go through life just putting their time in until, what? What are you living for I wonder?

The truth is life is not accidental we didn't just happen to end up alive on this planet. We are intelligent human beings and we were knit together by a creator who made us with free will. So stop putting your time in. And start making choices. Sometimes they're hard ones like doing the right thing over the selfish one and sometimes it's just choosing to be loving towards other people even though you feel like crap. Our small actions make big impacts on other people for better or worse, and so tomorrow how are you going to choose to act, what are you going to do, are you going to have a good day?

Today I choose to be okay with not having answers to my pain, and I choose happiness over depression, and know I did the best I could. And Tomorrow, I'm going to try again.

PS Comments would be a delight :)

Translations Below:

Nou ik ben geen Martha Stewart, maar, vandaag ik voel me nogal goed. Ik ben al prepping voor tussentoetsen vroeg, gedaan 3 veel te wassen, het maken vantwee broden van honing appel brood voor dankzegging, en ik heb bedacht hoesteil thee in mijn koffie toen onze magnetronvermogen ging naar buiten.

Aangezien de nieuwe pijnstiller geschopt in zijn al behoorlijk groot in sommige opzichten en een beetje verdrietig bij anderen. Aan de positieve kant voel ik me wakker. En op zijn minst zeggen dat het voelt alsof mijn hoofd naar buiten is gekomen van een drie jaar lange mist, zo is dat prima. Ik word wakker het gevoel alsof ik eigenlijk nog een goede nachtrust, dat niet is gebeurd in een lange tijd. Mijn pijnen op een all time low, eerst nam al de scherpe elektrische schok het type pijn weg, dan is de tederheid, en dan zelfs de pijnlijke botten en pijnlijke kloppende spierpijn. Het was wonderbaarlijk op zijn zachtst gezegd, maar over drie dagen in kreeg ik dit scherper dan voorheen een elektrische schok, zoals schieten pijn omhoog door de linker kant van mijn rug. Het was als Zeus bracht een bliksemschicht op mijn rug, een beetje eng. Het was niet als een van de andere pijnen ik heb gevoeld, en sindsdien het is super aanbieding, ter plaatse de bliksem getroffen en daarna een lage kloppende rond de aanbesteding omgeving ... niet goed. maar de andere pijnen niet meer teruggekomen dat is goed toch? Dus is dit nieuwe medicijn goed voor mij? wat was die pijn en waarom? Alles wat ik zitten met vragen is, maar dokter bezoeken volgende week thats good misschien nog wat antwoorden soon.Thanks om deze nieuwe drug vandaag de dag is dan een beter Dinsdag afgelopen dinsdag was. Ook al is mijn hoofd is pijnlijk en mijn lichaam pijn Ik voel me in staat is, en productief en dat is echt goed.
Dus ik heb zitten denken, ik weet dat je gaat 'wow ze denken .. dat is geweldig ... " maar hoor mij uit. Na dit overdonderende pijn gebeurde begon ik bang, en mijn hoop was snel vervagen. En dat het deel waar in een verhaal of een tv-serie theres een maar, je weet wel ... Soneone is alles, "Maar dan ... dit gebeurde er iets verbazingwekkends ... een magische tovenaar genezen me .. en een prins reed weg in een zonsondergang .. bij mij natuurlijk ... en alles was beter".
Toch is dit niet een van die verhalen. En geloof me, maakt niet uit hoeveel ik doe alsof ik (in mijn hoofd natuurlijk) Ik ben een commentator en mijn dagelijks leven is echt een lopende actie / comedy tv-serie ... Laten we eerlijk zijn, het leven is gewoon echt niet zo dat helemaal.
Ik ben gewoon echt mij, niet een karakter. Een echte levende persoon lol.(Haha wonen.) Iedere dag ben ik constant druk met een pijnlijke aandoening en kiezen te hopen dat het weer beter, en accepteren dat ik niet kan alles wat ik wil in staat zijn om, maar ik kan ervoor kiezen om toch gelukkig te doen. Toch zie ik overal mensen leven alsof ze geen controle over de dingen die gebeuren om hen heen. Ze gaan door het leven zomaar hun tijd in tot, wat? Wat zijn je leven voor vraag ik me af?
De waarheid is leven is niet toevallig we hebben gewoon niet gebeuren om uiteindelijk leven op deze planeet. We zijn intelligente mensen en we waren breien bijeengehouden door een schepper, die ons gemaakt met een vrije wil.Dus stop met het zetten van uw tijd inch En beginnen met het maken van keuzes. Soms zijn ze er hard degenen zoals het doen van de juiste ding over de egoïstische een en soms is het gewoon kiezen om liefdevol ten opzichte van andere mensen, zelfs al heb je het gevoel dat crap. Onze kleine acties maken grote gevolgen voor andere mensen voor beter of slechter, en dus morgen hoe gaat u ervoor kiezen om te handelen, wat ga je doen, ga je een goede dag te hebben?
Vandaag kies ik wel goed met niet hebben antwoorden op mijn pijn, en ik kies geluk op depressie, en weet dat ik heb mijn best zou kunnen. En morgen, ik ga het opnieuw proberen.

PS Reacties zou een genot zijn:)


由于新的止痛药,一脚踢在它的相当大在某些方面和在其他有些伤感。从积极的一面,我觉得清醒。至少可以说,它就像我的头感觉已经走出了一个为期三年的长期雾,所以这是伟大的。我醒来的感觉像我其实有一个良好的睡眠,在很长一段时间没有发生。在所有时间低我的痛苦,它首先把所有的急剧触电类型的痛苦了,那么柔情,然后连疼痛的骨头和疮跳动的肌肉疼痛。它是神奇的,至少可以说,但三天,我通过我的背部左侧疼痛,像射击,这个锐利前触电。这是像宙斯释放一个霹雳在我的背上,还挺吓人。它不是像任何其他我觉得痛苦,和雷电袭击以来一直在现场的超级招标,然后各地的招标面积低的悸动... ...不好。但其他的痛苦都没有回来,多数民众赞成好权?因此,这种新药对我好?什么是痛苦和为什么?我左边的是所有的问题,但医生下周访问多数民众赞成好,也许今天是一个更好的星期二,那么最后一个星期二,得到了一些答案soon.Thanks这种新药。即使我的头疮和我的身体酸痛,我觉得能干,生产和多数民众赞成真的很好。
所以,我一直在思考,我知道你会“哇,她觉得..多数民众赞成伟大的... ...”但听我把话说完。这雷鸣般的疼痛发生后,我开始害怕,我希望迅速消失。而这一个故事或电视连续剧,theres一个部分,但是,你知道一个... ... Soneone的所有“,但然后... ...这惊人的事情发生了...一个神奇的精灵治愈我...和王子乘坐到日落..我当然... ...,一切都更好”。
我只是真正的我,而不是一个字符。一个现实生活的人LOL。 (哈哈居住。)每一天,我不断推向经历一个痛苦的障碍,并选择希望它会得到更好,并接受,我不能做的一切,我想可以,但我可以选择快乐反正。然而,我看到世界各地的人们生活,他们没有对身边发生的事情是控制。他们的生活中去,直到他们只是把时间,什么?什么是你的生活对我不知道吗?

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

the question mark turned like a fish hook in the human heart

As I sit here today, I have gotten out of bed for the first time in a while a sat comfortably on the couch in my parents living room. As they have a beautiful home from which this couch I sit on produces a spectacular view of mountains that shade behind other mountains, and lush greenery with trees that show growth with wind. I look out at the mountains and remember that old bible verse I learnt in sunday school, "I look to the mountains and where does my help come from? it comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth.." I sit in pain aching, sore, and praying that today does not bring another episode of pain that causes me to burst out in blood curdling screams. As I view the greenery, the trees, the mountains, I can't help but wonder where my God is in all of this. Now don't get me wrong I don't doubt he's here or that he is not caring, I know he's here I just wish to feel his presences when it hurts this bad.

So appropriately I picked up an old book I've read twice before titled,"Where is God when it Hurts?" by Philip Yancey and in the beginning of the book he  recalls a girl named claudia suffering from a disease and all the responses christian gave her in their efforts to comfort her. Some said, she must have provoked god with a sin in some way, others said she needed to have more faith and she would be healed, and others told her that she must come to a place of accepting and being grateful for this opportunity to suffer for christ. another told her she had been appointed by god to suffer, and that he will reward her. Like Claudia's story I too am in my first year of marriage and my husband is my rock who's there throughout the stormy weather. Like Claudia I have recieved all these varies of advice and found none to be helpful. Why would you believe in a God who allows suffering from this extent to that of child soldiers and rebel attacks, of such a dreadful thing as cancers and unknown illnesses? Most christians think that pain in gods big mistake. yet, the circuitry of pain that runs through our bodies alert us to harm and mark the genius of god, in allowing us to feel pain so that our bodies may be healed, by feeling where it hurts.

I am one of those people whom philip yancey describes in his book, "those of whom pain is the first sensation to greet them and the last they feel before they drift off to sleep, if they are lucky enough to sleep despite it". The loss of youth, the daily pain, and the prospect of a new marriage gouged by unknown illness, and annual hospital visits. This life was not where I thought I would be 10 years ago, I did not expect to spend my first anniversary in a hospital bed. Yet, when you take a step back and see a kitten thats only a few days old with a brain fully functioning and a a wriggling little body moving around organs so tiny and working how can you not believe in a higher presence?

The problem with pain is we don't understand how to understand it when it last so long and can not be explained. The problem with denying that there is a creator is like Dr.paul brand stated, " the more i devel into natural laws - the atoms, the universe, the solid elements, molecules, the, sun, and even more the interplay of all the mechanisms required to sustain life, -- I am astounded. the whole of creation could collapse like a deck of cards if just one of those factors were removed." how then could all this be by chance? its a complicated issue to deal with everyday, to consider where god is when i am hurting. But what I have found is that the laws by which god created the world are those by which we humans have tampered with, in a sense God has created natural physical laws and every time you populate a world with humans and give them free will you introduce the possibility of abuse of such gifts. for example, We were given food and then some one genetically modified it unaware of consequences and obviously unaware that they could not improve on gods creation, may have caused unknown diseases.

When I am told these reasons for my illness I guess I feel slightly nassacistic because I don't believe in a God that would do such horrid things, or put me through this pain. Rather I believe in a God who created a world with natural physical laws that we humans have distorted, and since the laws are in motion God must allow natural events to occur. I ponder what this means for me and my life.


Ps I might post more on this later it just doesn't feel finished.