Monday, December 30, 2013

I Won't Be Left Behind

I Won't Be Left Behind

I run my fastest
But still get beat.
I land on my head
When I should be on my feet.
I try to move forward,
But I am stuck in rewind.
Why do I keep at it?
I won't be left behind.
The harder I am thrown,
The higher I bounce.
I give it my all,
And that's all that counts.
In first place,
Myself, I seldom find.
So I push to the limit-
I won't be left behind.

Some people tell me you can't,
Some say don't.
Some simply give up.
I reply, I won't.
The power is here,
locked away in my mind.
My perseverance is my excellence,
I won't be left behind.

Make the best of each moment,
The future is soon the past.
The more I tell myself this,
The less I come in last.
Throughout my competitions,
I've learned what winning is about.
A plain and clear lesson-
Giving up is the easy way out.

So every night before I go to bed,
I hope in a small way I have shined.
Tomorrow is a brand-new day,
And I won't be left behind.

By Sara Nachtman

Today I went for ultrasound testing and x-rays, that a internal specialist sent me for. After I had put the scratchy blue gown on and waited in the third of five waiting rooms (I suppose on for each stage of differing processes) I over heard a lady at the desk talking with the other lady next to her. They were talking about starting to write down everything they never said but should have... An interesting idea I thought. There are so many things that are left unsaid, some for good reason and others because we hold back cause we don't have the right words. Yet, given time and thought perhaps those things left unsaid could have repaired fences or bridges burned. What relationships could have been saved, bruised ego, or feelings could have been averted, I don't know it just made me wonder what are people around me leaving unsaid. And if I wrote out all the things I've left unsaid how much would there be? Perhaps it could be a form of therapy I might try writing out everything left unsaid from past circumstances. 

All I know is that this disorder is like a force field put around me containing my actions to slow motion while everyone else flies by. I run my hardest but still get beat, yet the truth is that giving up would be the easy way out. I could easily give up and some days I do. Stay in bed, and let the pain consume me, laying there in self pity as the world flies by. Yet, I keep getting up and pushing as hard as I can each day, because I desperately don't want to be left behind. Although stopping to consider who is passing me by, or leaving me behind I wonder, well the answer is I'm not certain. I just feel this dreaded feeling like I'm behind the rest of the world. It may be because I am no longer apart of that social group I grew up in, but I had no hand in them leaving me behind, that was not my choice. I was sick in bed and could not keep up appearances and soon am long forgotten but, I feel left behind nonetheless. hmm, something I'll move past eventually. I am me, just who I was created to be and so you see I'm exactly where I'm meant to be. 

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Today I Just Want to feel Normal

Today I just want to feel normal, I missed school this week cause I was too sick to go again. Everything is throbbing and I don't want to get out of bed, I just feel aweful. I read facebook and hear all those funny remarks about the awesome college experience other people are having and I feel a bit disconnected. Disconnected from the ocean I want to join, the experiences I wanted to have, the deep friendships I wanted to build. I feel stuck in my own tide pool where I can watch those friendships grow but cannot part take, because I am unable to be in their water. I know I'm growing in my own ways, and I know God is with me through it but I cant help but feel a tinge of sadness for the life I wanted to live.

I'm not saying I resent this illness, thats not what this is about. I'm just saying that deep need to feel accepted and supported by your peers, well I still feel it. I guess it should be no surprise that I still feel I'm on the outside of this other world, I'm hardly well enough to submerge into it. I just wanted so much more for my life, then to be sick all the time, no one wants that. Resentment though would mean that I have negative feeling for my illness and that I wish I didn't not have it. In truth, I accept that this is what God has allowed in to my life, and that doesn't mean that I have to like it, but I accept it.

Through accepting it I try to see the good in it, and there is good in everything. Some people have a hard time relying on God and I'm not saying I'm amazing at it. But when he's the only one that truly knows how I'm feeling, the pain, the frustration, and understands it all, and is there through it all. Well that makes it easier for me to lean on him, he gets it. He gets that outside I look fine and yet, inside my body is barely hanging on. And so I have to trust that a God so big that, created the heaven and earth, and let his son die for my sin, has a plan for my life. I have to trust that as long as I don't give up and keep pushing on we'll get to where I'm supposed to be together.

Today it's just harder, maybe it's because there's more pain in my lower back, plus the side effects of this new drug aren't helping. So today normal sounds better than this.


Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Dear Thyroid

Monday as I awoke I felt the soreness of my body waking with me, I wanted to go back to sleep and pretend it didn't exist. I came to the sad realization that today I am bed ridden. I am feeling quite foggy, my head ache has decided to be persistent as an bull, and there are tiny stabbing sharp pains running through my hand, wrist, neck, back and both legs. I have eaten breakfast but by the time lunch came my stomach was quite clear that food wasn't a great idea today. So I went on with the things I can still do from bed, I reviewed all my class notes, and emailed another student to get the ones I missed monday morning. I read for four hours through some interesting text books. Next I pushed on to what else I can do from bed and so in spite of the lack of interest the doctors have, I am researching what else this could be. 

Interesting fact: This disorder, Hashimoto's is believed to be the most common cause of primary hypothyroidism in North America. An average of 1 to 1.5 in a 1000 people have this disease.

And so today is Tuesday, I with a temperature and cold sweats, it was disgusting to say the least. my stomach ached, and the pain,...o the pain, it hurts. Yet, I pushed on again in bed but not beaten. I did my reviewing of notes, sketched a bit, and o how much I've grown so fond of knitting. Its this beautiful task of making a scarf I can wear, in which all the enjoyment comes from making it. As it provides me with a hobby that makes me feel like I'm still doing something in spite of being too sick to actually do something. With each few finely knitted rows I see progress, I see accomplishment, and must importantly I see hope. Hope that I am still a capable person in which bad days only amount to a longer scarf and not defeat. And soon those bad days that go into this scarf will be a wonderful warm treasure in the winter.  :)

Dear thyroid you stopped me from going to work, and yesterday from going to school, and the weeks and months before you took countless other activities from me. But just because you have some control over my body does not mean you win, my God is bigger than you. Yet, what ever is going on in there, may have fooled the doctors, but it has not fooled me. Oh my dear Thyroid, I want you to know although we fight daily, I know it's not all your fault. Your sick and I feel bad that something is attacking you, and that you have some ugly bumps. I wish I could make you better and we both know how hard I've tried. Some days it's just hard I know, we're in this together, and we'll push on to find out what else is going wrong in this old body. Gets some rest you dear foe of mine for tomorrow off to the doctor we go!


Monday, December 23, 2013


As I lay resting in my hospital bed with a fuzzy leopard house coat wrapped around me, I watch the time pass by me. And I feel as though the wear and tear of this ordeal is starting to show on my outward appearance, my face is tear stained from the crying over another perfect result, my eyes glazed from drugs being pumped in, and attitude a bit frustrated with a side of frazzled.

The crying was from the MRI results that came back clear of any news. Which is good but sad for someone who has been sick for so long and longs for answers, especially now that I am currently getting a lot sicker.

My eyes are glazed and foggy as even the torratel morphine combo can't keep the pain down.

Yet, my attitude probably shows the most wear as I am extremely frustrated with the psychiatrist the dr. Forced my hand, into seeing. She told me flat out that I look miserable ("Rude!") and continued to tell me that I was sad and depressed even after I told her of my happy childhood. As I answered all her questions I came back to my room not only frustrated with having to see a psychiatrist but pissed off with her rudeness.

Now I lay longing for answers but also a lot less hopeful of ever getting any. The fight must go on and hope must not be lost but for right now, in this moment I feel desperate for everyone to see how real my pain is and have an answer to it or at least some comfort because this is getting to hard. Lord I love you, hallowed be your now when the troubles come in and crash down on me hallowed be your name!


Wednesday, December 18, 2013


So today, while in bed with a bad head ache I came across this neat thing called zazzle. Which I think is amazing because I can put my art work and photos onto a ton of different items, and they will do the manufacturing, shipping, for me and I get the royalty % for my artwork awesome right! So heres a few I particularly love...
In another World Coffee MugsExpressive cutting out the crap trucker hatIn another World Ipad CoversIMG_1575.JPG TSHIRT 

make custom gifts at Zazzle

Apache Mills 20-160-0900 Soft Foot Anti-Fatigue Mat, 3/8-Thick, Black, 3 by 5-Feet

  • Closed-cell vinyl foam
  • Recommended for dry to moist environments
  • Textured surface pattern and beveled edges provide safety
  • Material can be trimmed to custom fit any work or shop area
  • Embossing helps promote a slip resistant environment as well

List Price: $52.20
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Product Description
Comfortable 3/8" thick single layer ergonomic foam matting provides relief for aching feet and lower back. Improves worker morale by providing relief to aching feet and tired Legs. Rugged durable 100 percent closed-cell vinyl sponge anti-fatigue matting. Provides comfortable cushioned surface to stand or walk on. Beveled edges for safety. Great for light to moderate standing environments. Material can easily be cut to fit any work area as needed.

Anti-Fatigue Floor Mats Staples - Office Supplies, Printer ... Apache Mills Vinyl Foam Anti-Fatigue Floor Mats, ... 3/8" thick; Reduces breakage and ... Crown Vinyl Industrial Deck Plate Anti-Fatigue Mat, 144"L x 36"W, Black. Economy Reference View Binder for 11 x 8-12 Sheets Black 3 Capacity ... Soft Feel Retractable Ballpoint Pen .7mm ... Disposable Urinal Floor Mat, Nonslip, Green Apple ...

Sunday, December 15, 2013

I just wanna be okay be okay...

Oh after eights! your oh so tasty, must I eat you after eight? squares, or sticks I don't care what form you come in, as long as it ends in me eating you!

Monday the 12th, I had decided that I would not put up my christmas decorations because even though its my favourite time of year it would remind me how fast my final exams were coming. However, I only held out till that wednesday when a friend commented that I didn't do my regular decorating yet...and that was all it took...I realized how silly I was, as not decorating sadly does not freeze time just my view on reality. You see even if I didn't decorate, exams would still come just as fast. So the next day I decorated with ornaments, stockings, a reindeer and two mini trees, but still I was missing having a big tree so I came up with a tree that can fit in small apartments, and anywhere theres a bookshelf!

And last Monday the 19th, I had just finished a 10 page paper thats 40% of my grade and when I went to get it printed my mac laptop went black. I couldn't find it anywhere, not in the computers trash can, not in any file hiding places I could think of, so my husband and I took it too the Mac store thinking Apple will know how to fix it!...the tech guy said that part of my problem was that I was using word and the other was not backing it up...neither answers helped at the time of. When asked if he could fix it, he said that it would cost 200$, would take a week and no guarantee that it would work...there goes three weeks of researcher, and the essay. The stress probably took a year off my In the end we bought an online 80$ program called R-Studio that my husband found, which took a few hours to run and after looking through hundreds of files, recovered it! After that incident I backed it up to the google drive app online. Thus, I could continue on with life and not have to back track.  

This stress compressed onto this weeks busy and tiring schedule, however I did the best I could with what energy I've had. Monday (26th) I was able to get to class and take notes, tuesday I was able to clean the house and make dinner, and today wednesday, I gave a presentation to go with my second research paper. Now, I'm exhausted and the weeks not over. From tomorrow I have a week and a few days till my first final exam and I'm praying I do well in studying. But, right now I feel O so sore and pleading with my body to be okay, just be okay. I plead with my brain to fix the body its the CEO of..

The truth is, I've been keeping a deep secret I refuse to say out-loud, cause that would make it real, and I'm not ready for that again. The truth is I've been getting random brutal stabbing pains in my sides that take my breathe away, and they send this nightmire throughout my body as I feel as though my biggest fear is creeping in on me. It's been a good few weeks without them for the first time in four years and I'm scared because I remember that pain all to well. And in the name of being honest I'd like to be my old self again and I'm still trying to find my way back there. It's weird I was there and the hospital rooms, the ER, the pain, the pain, and the horrible feelings of hopelessness it was all real.. and I remember it all too well. I plead with my mind and body from the depth of my soul don't take me back there when I'm just starting to see past the fog of these years. And I know it's not long gone, and the pain is still here but oh I starting to see through the pollution of pain and I started to hope again. May be I was too wide eyed and naive but I can still picture it the feeling of calm in my bones and the clear sky to focus my mind without all the noise. The volume of the pain was turned down for these few weeks and Id do anything not to go back. O lord have mercy don't let me go back. I was as strong as I could be but I'm tired and just want to rest, I just need to rest now.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

if you can't handle the truth don't read this

Life continues around me and my head is beginning to hurt from all the constant swirling changes. which is partly why I haven't posted in a little bit. I just don't want to think about everything that's going on. But I also can't avoid it and that is all to evident as life continues on wether I want it to or not. On the 6th it was my husbands birthday and I couldn't afford to get him anything, which made me really sad. But a few people called to wish him well and we went in to vancouver for a nice dinner with his dad and then today we went out with his mom for his birthday. Something just seemed off this year though as the celebration did not nearly compare to other birthdays in the past it was rather on the lacking side. Which I wish I could have done something about but it was out of my hands. However following this on to the 8th our car met its untimely doom. As it was wandering along attempting to do a good deed and a manhole cover popped out of nowhere and smoked the front frame of the car. The poor car was so embarrassed as it had just had the airbags scared out of it. So, needless to say life has become more interesting and challenging, for us to try and figure out life without a car. And then also to figure out how much money that we will go in debt further to get another car as the ICBC guy called to say the engine collapsed, and hopefully he'll tell us soon how much they'll give us for it. Which has made me come to the realization that it will be weeks before we can find a car. Which has further caused me to worry about getting to my first classes, but mainly getting to my ubber important appointment with the pain specialist last week. As well as up coming appointments and classes. My aunt and uncle were overly generous in letting us borrow their extra car and I can't say enough how much that has helped us, not only in getting around but mainly in worry over how I would get around.

The lack of a car has proved us with an interesting learning experience to see how people respond to seeing others in need of help. Some upon hearing are compassionate and jump in, some hear and are almost glad and then proceed to talk about how amazing they are doing and still some just have a tough love approach that makes you feel guilty for mentioning it. I've learnt from these that compassion and understanding is rare, and that is what I would most like to emulate in the future when I see someone else in need. It is not helpful to tell someone who has just shared their loss with you to proceed about your good fortune as it leaves them feeling worse about their hardship. Just as it does not help to take the tough love approach for the same reasons. We get that life is not supposed to be easy and that everyone struggles so there is no need to be tough on us for it. Tough love is an approach that is only appropriate in few circumstances, and I think although people hopefully mean well when they take that a approach I would caution that you first look to see if it is necessary. As well even if you are not up to helping, you can help by being understanding which has been a very rare thing. These days it seems people are quick to judge and slow to feel empathy, which at times is rather hurtful as I feel it was un-necessary. In these moments I am not so bold as to say anything as I do not want start something I do not have the energy for, and I realize to that saying something about it would be out of character for my nature I do not like conflict and would rather ignore the insult than deal with it. I guess I'm just realizing that with the lack of energy its not about picking your battles as much as it is choosing what is worth all the energy of taking a stance, arguing about it, going through everything just to get to reconciling..I don't have the energy for it at all. So, I let it go even if it really hurts or bothers me as it will hurt more to  go through what it would take to mention it. Since I have been sick I have notice this as a large change in my nature. Not to say that I was big on arguing but I was big on standing up for myself, where as now I recoil from the circumstances that would put me in those situations in the first place. With an autoimmune disorder thats triggered by stress, I notice that dealing with issues causes me to be physically sick for weeks and its just not worth the decrease in health even to have other understand how they hurt you, I'd prefer to try and get past it on my own to save energy and injury. This could also be effected by the intense pain I feel regularly enough that tears flow far to easily now as it takes a lot to be in this physical pain and not cry that emotional pain hurts the tip of an iceberg. But, then again I don't like conflict in the first place and don't have the energy to play head games, thus if passive aggressive behaviours get to me, I'm inclined to just decrease my attendances with those people to save pain, which I must admit causes some loneliness at times.

My body just can't handle much, as is it feels like everything I eat not only upsets it but reacts in a thunder storm of pain in my stomach and intestines all the way out in which case it either comes up which is less pain or otherwise exits in an untimely, and extremely painful process. When I went to see the pain specialist after a year and a half of waiting, (man that's just wrong to wait so long) the Dr. told me that I have one of three types of fibermyalgia, for which he has put me on Lyrica which is a strong pain medication. I have yet to notice a difference but it's only been five days, and some drugs take awhile to notice. He also put me on Dicetel to help with the incredible intestinal thunderstorms I have, although a few days after I saw him, I saw a gastroenterologist who I have waited longer to see and he said that the thunderstorms could be cause by Chrohn's which would explain the high ANA tests, for which he said Dicetel would be used to treat. The pain specialist also said that he wants me to go see a neurofeedback specialists, dietician, and another Dr. whom he works with that will inject my back with a type of anesthetic to help ease the intensity of the pain to which I am feeling right now. I pray so often that God would take the pain away and now I pray that he'll just help me through today as right now the pain is far far too much to bear, and pain disorders magnify the feeling of few understanding and even fewer being around as it's hard to build friendships when pain breads isolation. I am sorry this is not a happier post, it's just raw life right now, and the truth is it hurts unimaginably.


Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Apache Mills 60-122-0354-20X42 Gourmet Fruit Kitchen Mat, 20-Inch by 42-Inch

  • Exceptional comfort meets fun designs in these cushion comfort mat
  • Resilient vinyl foam anti-fatigue mat is perfect for the kitchen
  • Stain proof and fade resistant making them easy to clean
  • Available in gourmet fruit design
  • Measures 20-inch length by 42-inch width; approximately 3/8-inch thickness

List Price: $70.00
Special Offer: check this out!

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Product Description
Exceptional comfort meets fun designs in these cushion comfort mat. Designed to be perfect for the kitchen in both artistic design and function. Resilient vinyl foam anti-fatigue mat is perfect for the kitchen. Stain proof and fade resistant making them easy to clean. These soft foam mats make it easier to stand for long periods in the kitchen. Available in gourmet fruit design. Measures 20-inch length by 42-inch width; approximately 3/8-inch thickness.

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Feel At Ease Mat 24 x 36 -

  • Handmade indoor mat provides relief for feet, legs, and back
  • Foam center for comfort
  • Fashionable basket-weave design
  • Rubber material is durable and easy to clean
  • Eco-friendly with NBR (Nitrile/Buna-N Rubber) cushion

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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Short and sweet

So reading week has been great, I wish I could say it's been more productive than it has but I've been sick and extremely sleepy with a side of coughing. But I've won 2 coffee's from Tim Horton's which each time made my day! It's gross to sit in bed, all sweaty with a fever, and cough, too tired to possibly think and there in between my hands sits a large french vanilla coffee yum! suddenly everything in the world is okay again :) I've continued to mull over big life decisions, or at least I've made vast attempts too. O dear I'm yawning, I think this new drug Cymbolta has taken my pain levels down severely which is a blessing, yet it's also brought my fatigue up severely. It's like that saying, "six of these, or half a dozen of the other". I've had to nap the last 3 days in a row yet, then I don't fall asleep as well at night. I'm certain this fatigue is better than the pain but it's still pretty awful I hope it fades. 

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Errrrr to the E R

So ever since I saw my doctor I've still been in a lot of pain..not cool doc. Any who the past few days has been an on again off again battle over going to the ER. I have bad spinal back pain in a few different vertebrae's, a nose-head ache, cold sweat, fever that comes and goes, a cough that sounds like a seal barking, and incredibly tender muscles that hurt every time I move. It's kinda like electric shock therapy as I'm walking to the cupboard, or bathroom, kitchen, or, well you get the picture. It seems like every day has gotten just a bit more painful, not looking forward to tomorrow. The dilemma is that if I go to the ER i wait in the waiting room full of sick other people and since my immune system is compromised by the autoimmune disorder I have a high likely hood of getting sicker by going in. Also, if I do go in they will take vile's of my blood to do tests on but being anemic that hurts, plus they can run x-rays, tests, and they have yet to find something that's causing the immediate problem. The best they can do is give me an anti-inflammatory, and may be a Tylenol 3, while saying that I should see my Dr. ASAP. So all in all I don't go in unless I'm in extreme feel-like-I'm-gonna-die pain because most of the time I end up wishing I'd stayed in bed.

Your fashionable hat intimidates me.

In other news,  I'm keeping up with classes and even feel like I'm ahead in a few. It's still disappointing and frustrating that I'm bedridden though. But I use my time in bed to keep up with school work, read my textbooks, do assignments early, and review notes. In my breaks from studying I find laughter helps a lot when in such frustrating circumstances, and last night I came across a few things that made me giggle.

This website: has pages n pages of funny tweets found on twitter. warning some were crude and I didn't like but there were just as many funny ones.

Funny Confession Ecard: I live in fear of accidentally hearing a Justin Bieber song and liking it.

OR... They have some pretty funny cards such as the pictures I've included today. 

Also I've perused through and found all sorts of cool things from nail art, to cool decor, to craft ideas, to cooking recipes, nifty party ideas, things I would like that I never knew existed and just some cool styles. Although My favorite are the how to guides, that teach you a million ways to do something new, or make nail polish cheaper, or all sorts of things. 

Funny Confession Ecard: I went several blocks out of my way to avoid small talk with you.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Rise up against the pain

Tonight I've been researching the healthcare system because I'm in extreme pain right now but I know if I go down to emerg, at the hospital it will just be a 4 hr wait and end in being pushed where it hurts, given drugs that may make it worse, taken my blood and tested for things that are already known to be negative and end up returning home because they have no room or time for me. That lands me in bed in ten times more pain so, I'd rather look at what I can do, as I am stuck in bed in a mass amount of pain that webmd says is either pancreatitis, kidney infection or kidney stones. I have all the symptoms for all three yet, if I go in just like what happened with my gallbladder it won't be diagnosed the way it should be, because the truth is the system is failing us, through over crowding, too long of wait times, not enough medical support and the list goes on. While looking into our health care system and why I am having such huge trouble getting the care I desperately need, I've found a few interesting links, if it's a petition it needs your name and if its an article I'd just like to share it so you too can be more informed.

Note the part where it tells you that my dog if treated by a vet could get better treatment than me a human being! Is there not something incredibly wrong with that? Did you also know that, "only 47 per cent of Canadians surveyed "fully believed that chronic pain is real".Thats just mean.

However, St. Paul's in Vancouver has a Pain Centre...that's hopeful yet it's probably way to backed up for me to even hope to get in...but I'm praying.


Letter to the Editor - The Ottawa Citizen

A Perfect Storm is Brewing
Dear Editors:
Sharon Kirkey’s article “Oxycontin’s removal could cause a whole new set of problems” published yesterday, underlines the dynamics that are leading inevitably to a perfect storm.  On the one hand, we have an ongoing problem with drug addiction and on the other hand, we have a problem with massive ignorance about the appropriate treatment of pain.
Kirkey quotes experts who have indicated restricting access is not going to put a dent in the problem of abuse and addicts will simply switch to something else. It is also pointed out that Doctors are not being taught enough about prescribing opioids in the proper places.

This is true, for people doctors that is. Veterinarians get five times more training in pain management than people doctors.  Canadians are not receiving adequate access to treatment for acute, chronic (including arthritis) or cancer pain and this is leading to a growing epidemic.

It is time to support a national strategy for pain.  For further information, go to:
Dr. Mary Lynch, Co-Chair
Canadian Pain Summit
Past President
Canadian Pain Society

Pain in Canada Fact Sheet

Presented by the Canadian Pain Society (CPS) and the Canadian Pain Coaltion (CPC)
Pain is poorly managed in Canada
  • Although we have the knowledge and technology, Canadians are left in pain after surgery, even in our top hospitals. 
    • (I was release the day after my gallbladder was removed and a few days later had to be readmitted for a 14 day stay due to complications)
  • Only 30% of ordered medication is given, 50% of patients are left in moderate to severe pain after surgery and the situation is not improving (Watt‐Watson, Stevens et al. 2004; Watt‐Watson, Choiniere et al. 2010).
  • Growing evidence has identified that many common surgical procedures cause persistent post‐operative pain that becomes chronic (Kehlet, Jensen et al. 2006).
  • Pain is the most common reason for seeking health care and as a presenting complaint accounts for up to 78% of visits to the emergency department, recent research continues to document high pain intensity and suboptimal pain management in a large multicenter emergency department network in Canada and the United States (Todd, Ducharme et al. 2007).
  • Uncontrolled pain compromises immune function, promotes tumor growth and compromises healing with increased morbidity and mortality following surgery (Liebeskind 1991).
  • One in five Canadian adults suffer from chronic pain (Moulin, Clark et al. 2002; Schopflocher, Jovey et al. 2011) children are not spared with 15‐30% of children experiencing recurring or chronic pain (Stanford, Chambers et al. 2008) and the prevalence increases with age (Hadjistavropoulos, Gibson et al. 2010).
  • Many cancer and HIV survivors have greater quantity of life but unfortunately a poor quality of life due to chronic pain conditions caused by the disease or the treatments that cause irreversible damage to nerves (Levy, Chwistek et al. 2008; Phillips, Cherry et al. 2010).
  • Chronic pain is associated with the worst quality of life as compared with other chronic diseases such as chronic lung or heart disease (Choiniere, Dion et al. 2010).
  • Based on US figures documenting that the cost of chronic pain in adults including health care expenses and lost productivity is $560‐$630 Billion annually it is estimated that the annual cost of chronic pain in Canada is at least $56‐60 Billion dollars (Relieving Pain in America - 2011).
  • People living with pain have double the risk of suicide as compared with people without chronic pain (Tang and Crane 2006).
    • Okay this statement to me is not really that surprising it's kind of stating the obvious.. but notable nonetheless.
  • A recent review of opioid (narcotic) related deaths in Ontario, identified the tragic fact that pain medication related deaths in Ontario are increasing and that most of the people who died had been seen by a physician within 9‐11 days prior to death (emergency room visits and office visits respectively) and the final encounter with the physician involved a mental health or pain related diagnosis. In almost a quarter of the cases the coroner had determined that the manner of death was suicide (Dhalla, Mamdani et al. 2009).
  • Veterinarian students receive three times more pain education than human health professionals and five times more hours than medical students (Watt-Watson, McGillion et al. 2009).
    • I don't want my dog getting better care than me...this is just WRONG.
  • Pain research is grossly under‐funded in Canada (Lynch, Schopflocher et al. 2009).
    • this is true still in 2012.
From the Canadian Pain Summit:
Do you believe all Canadian children deserve access to the best pain care?
If you require surgery, do you want your post-operative pain treated properly?
If you suffer a painful injury requiring treatment in an emergency department, do you want to be sure that your pain will be properly assessed and treated?
Do you want your doctor or healthcare professional to be at least as well-educated in treating pain as a veterinarian is?

If you answered YES to any of these questions endorse the National Pain Strategy.

Visit to do so now

Other Links to Articles: ****

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Mastro Anti Fatigue Cushioned Kitchen Mat - 20-Inch by 36-Inch, Tan. Reduces back discomfort and relieves pressure points of feet and legs. Durable and stain resistant.

  • Made from durable premium quality material.
  • Very safe with trip-resistant beveled edge and non-slip backing that will stay flat and will not roll up.
  • Easy to clean. Perfect for kitchen, laundry, bathroom, garage and other areas of your home.
  • Non toxic and safe for children and pets. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.
  • 5 Year Warranty.

List Price: $99.00
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Product Description
Standing on a hard surface does a number on one's body. Studies show that Anti-fatigue mats are able to reduce discomfort and increase productivity for people who stand all day. Therefore, anti-fatigue mats are great for areas of your house where you notice that you stand a lot. For instance your kitchen or garage.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Comfort-King CK 0035BL Sponge

  • Highly energized Zedlan sponge combines softness, resilience, and durability for exceptional relief
  • Extra bounce property stimulates muscles and blood flow to reduce fatigue
  • Outwears other sponge products by nearly three to one
  • Maintains flexibility even in low temperatures
  • Provides a light-duty solution for dry areas
  • Made of a highly elastic compound.
  • Three times more resilient than vinyl foam mats.
  • Helps alleviate some of the pressure of standing.
  • 3/8" overall thickness.

List Price: $110.25
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Product Description
Comfort-King offers optimal cushion and resilience for proper fatigue relief and increased productivity.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Thyroid vs. College

Well this week has been a bit of a set back in health and school.

While I've been able to finish my first textbook and essay, I haven't been able to make it to classes do to pain worsening. So I sit in bed trying to read over notes and textbooks, but mainly I'm just trying to stay on track. My headache was bad monday, and worsened with each passing day. My neck and shoulders are so tender, and compared to the soft tissue damage from the car accident last sept. this pain is worse, and carries right down to my lower back. I'm not sure how much more I can take of this, I need support  to help me get by. Every part of my body is in throbbing pains, shooting pains and electric pulsing pains, it hurts even to type which is ridiculous.

Tuesday, when I saw my doctor he seemed worried that it's been getting worse. Last time I went in  he found something wrong with my shoulder tendon and this time apparently I have golf elbow, and tennis  wrist, Oh the terms they come up with for pain spots. The odd thing is I don't play tennis and it's snowing so there's no golfing to be done.  Any who he's thinking, prescribing, referring, sending me for blood tests, and ultrasounds, yet nothing shows up and I keep getting worse. To be honest, I'm afraid for how much worse it can get, before the doctors figure it out. The rest of the week my pains have progressed in their same worsening fashion, and I don't think these pills are working anymore.

As afraid as I am of the decline of my health, I also fear for my schooling slipping away from me, I don't want to let go of it and I really don't want teachers to worry, cause I know I can do the work. It brings me hope, cause it feels like it's all I have sometimes. It's what separates me from being sick at home all the time and still trying to manage and achieve things. I will take longer to get my counselling degree but I will push harder than others without illness to get it. Cause it makes me feel like I'm still getting somewhere, I'm still reaching my dreams. I just pray for a little grace and less pain to make it through. I wonder if anyone else feels like this?


Friday, November 29, 2013

Kitchen Chef Foam Mat - Chocolate (CHOCOLATE)

  • Chef Mat features a skid resistant bottom and beveled edge
  • Chef Mat promotes proper circulation, better posture and reduces muscle fatigue and stress
  • Chef Mat is easy to take care-just wipe clean with a damp cloth
  • It is resistant to stains and abrasions

List Price: $35.99
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Product Description
Chef's foam mat measures 30" x 20" that perfectly to be placed in front of your sink or stove. It features a leather-look surface with a basketweave pattern and the surface is stain-resistant. This mat incorporates skid resistant bottom and the foam inside the mat provides comfort and promotes proper circulation while long standing. It is also very easy to take care-just wipe clean with a damp cloth.

Apache Mills Comfort Mate Chefs Kitchen Mat UPDATE 10/20/13: The Apache Mills Comfort Mate Chefs Kitchen Mat appears to have been replaced by the The Chefs Kitchen Resilience Cushion Mat. Anti Fatigue Gel Mats For The Kitchen - Cushioned Kitchen Mat That Feels Like Expensive Gel Mats For The Kitchen. Quality Products at Discounted Prices. Shop Kitchen & Dining Furniture - Bar Stools & More Kitchen ... Shop a selection of Kitchen Floor Mats at Kitchen Stuff Plus. Great prices and free shipping on orders over $75 Buy Kitchen Mats from Bed Bath & Beyond Buy Kitchen Mats products including: ... Calm Chef Kitchen Mat in Aztec Stripe. ... Softspun Memory Foam Kitchen Mat in Crimson. Canopy ProChef Double Sink Comfort Chef Mat - The Canopy ProChef Comfort Chef Mat can help ease foot pain and make cooking and other kitchen chores more comfortable. This ergonomically designed kitchen mat feels ... Shop Bath Mats - Memory Foam Bath Mats & More Kitchen Stuff Plus Shop a selection of Bath Mats at Kitchen Stuff Plus. Great prices and free shipping on orders over $75 Kitchen Rugs & Mats - Kitchen & Table Linens Kitchen Chef Foam Mat - Chocolate (CHOCOLATE) Buy new: $35.99 $11.99. In Stock . 12. Fiore Anti Fatigue Mat - 20x36 Black, Reduces discomfort on back, feet and joints. Buy Memory Foam Kitchen Mats from Bed Bath & Beyond Buy Memory Foam Kitchen Mats products including: ... chocolate linen, ... Basketweave Tan 18-Inch x 30-Inch Chef's Mat.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

LIfe is hard but so very Beautiful

Yesterday, I awoke in a groggy daze when my vision was still kinda blurred. And then as if remembering that it was time to get up, my body ached it's morning time ache, and I scrambled to get my legs beneath my body. The rest of the day, to be quite honest was a blur, there was stuff on my to do list so I raced here and there, all over the house... 'twas a cross between married-wifely duties, and oh-shooooot-we-have-fleas. So I whipped thru that list, then went out for coffee, came home and realized I have no idea where that cat the vet told me to watch went... looking high and low, in all her favourite hiding spots, the games box, on the sleeping bags, in the closet, on my chair, above the microwave, and everywhere in-between but alas no cat was found. Until I realized I went into the laundry room for a minute before getting called away...and upon a further search there behind the hot water tank is a little tiny cone surrounded face...poor snuffle-ufagous. Then suddenly it hit me, that growly angry tummy, I stopped everything and looked down at it like, oh dear, that was me...and in that moment I realized I hadn't eaten lunch.

As I stopped to think about it, this summer was harder than other summers past, it hurt more. As one DR. appointment after another dragged the summer away, waiting on test after test, and it was just plain hard. Monday I was afraid, and I cried out of pure frustration. This may seem strange if you've never endured chronic pain, or the frustration of our canadian medical system. Afraid because this school year has arrived and being on higher doses of Lyrica (strong pain medication) I feel a bit more energetic, like I can handle more. Thus I have challenged myself and taken three courses this semester. However, my fear is encouraged by the daunting voice in the back of my head telling me I can't do it, that I'll need surgery and then how will I continue, I could get sicker, and that life right now is too hard to continue to challenge myself. That voice is my own worst enemy and I don't agree with it. It makes me sad thinking of those fears yet I know I can push a little harder, I can go a little further, and every day I do it. Giving up is the easy way out. Life gets hard, the pain gets worse, but I feel like the little train that could, on those days I just keep saying "I think I can, I think I can...I know I can, I know I can..." there's so much wisdom to be found in children's books that apply to us even as we get older.....I would go as far as to say that those books apply more to us now as adults than as kids. There are struggles that I don't want to walk thru, there is sorrow I don't want to bear, but there is also hope. Hope and patience are virtues that as long as we hold on to them, the pain might not be so hard to bear each day.

When it is hard to hope and our patience seems thin we look up to and ask for help to a very big God who truly understands. And I think the healthiest part is that we can dialogue with God, about the pain he has asked us to walk thru. We can even go so far as to get angry as many others have in the past. We can come to him with all our emotions and in my opinion that's where the depth of my relationship with God dwells, in the ability to tell him I'm really frustrated, mad, confused, and scared because I don't understand why he has given me this kind of pain. Often I think of Job and his dialogue with God, I think he learnt more through that dialogue than he did in any devotional times he may have had, because he got to express his ugly feelings, the ones that most think you can not bring to God. In doing this he learnt to better trust God's judgement, he was put in his place when he got out of line, and in the end had a fuller understanding of who God is.

I think expression is hard because similarly with the church you might feel like your burdening the church with the heavy path your walking, when the church should be a place to share your burden. Often we don't bring angry emotions to God because we think it's a bad thing to do, we think it's too heavy, or inappropriate. He's a really Big God, that is bigger than your view of him. He can handle a child getting mad at him, just as a parent can handle sitting with a child that's angry and doesn't understand. I think if we make our relationship one-sided and share only the good stuff or only the bad stuff, or even only ask him for help but never say thank you...then perhaps we have put God in a box labeled "use in case of______". He is big and he is to be feared but he is good and also wants to know all the details of your life, why not try him? Test out your relationship with him by offering more of yourself, more areas of your life. He is not a genie, He is a father, a creator, and many more. This is my struggle I try to do it on my own when he's always there to help carry the load. It's easy to be frustrated with the church and complain that its like this, or like that, because we expect more of christians yet forget that they are just human trying thier best and in no way are they infallible. We get mad easily when the church or christians let us down yet do we tell them? It is not a good reflection of God when christians fail to be christ to each other. But as Ghandi said we need to be the change we wish to see in our world. Thus I want to be someone friends can come to, if you have a heavy burden let me lighten your load, if you need a cup of coffee and someone to listen I'll drop what I'm doing and put on some coffee.



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Tuesday, November 26, 2013

4pk Anti-Fatigue Flooring Interlocking Mats Expandable Grey 20.5" x 0.5" Each

  • Each Square: 20.5"L x 20.5"W x .38"D
  • Grey Anti-Fatigue Interlocking Mats With Textured Finish; Water Resistant, Easy To Clean, Shock Absorbing; Straight Edges Easily Convert To Interlocking Edges
  • Fits Together Like A Puzzle, Trim To Fit Space; Great For Garages, Basements, Kitchens, Laundry Rooms, Playrooms, Exercise Rooms, Work & More

List Price: $20.00
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Product Description
Hard floors are hard on the body. Working on concrete surfaces can fatigue your feet, legs and back. Make your workspace workable with Interlocking Anti-Fatigue Floor Mats. Each square features puzzle-piece edges that lock tightly together with one another to form a nearly seamless foam surface. The finished straight-edges easily convert to interlocking edges by removing the precut pieces. Great for garages, workout rooms, playrooms and more! b179 anti-fatigue matting ... 30.0 x 22.0 x 20.5 27.4 x 19.4 6.1 4.0:1 ... adds security capacity per shelf: 100 lbs. tough grey or tan powder coat ... ... doors and interlocks onto two sidewall brackets padlock lugs on crossbar and side bar channel are located on each ... 1 grey universal ... the mats ... Anti Fatigue Floor Mat eBay - Electronics, Cars, Fashion ... Find great deals on eBay for Anti Fatigue Floor Mat in Door and Floor Mats. Shop with confidence. Anti Fatigue Mat eBay - Electronics, Cars, Fashion ... 12pk Anti-Fatigue Flooring Interlocking Mats Expandable ... Mats Expandable Grey 20.5 x 0.5 Each. ... 4pk Anti-Fatigue Flooring Interlocking Mats Expandable ...

Monday, November 25, 2013

Imprint Comfort Mat Croco Series 20-Inch by 36-Inch Mat, Goose

  • University tested and proven by the Center for Ergonomics to reduce overall fatigue and discomfort by up to 60%
  • No-curl edges and stay-flat memory ensure Imprint Mats won't curl like other mats
  • non-toxic and phthalate free. Safe for children and pets
  • 7-year warranty. 100% satisfaction guarantee!
  • 91% of consumers preferred Imprint over the leading Gel mat in 6 out of 6 categories tested in an independent qualitative and quantitative study

List Price: $119.99
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Product Description
Imprint Comfort Mat Croc Series

Sink your feet into the Cumulus9 with its proprietary Multi-Core Technology. Feel how it conforms to the shape of your feet and supports your arches for relief of back, leg and foot discomfort. The advantage is its proprietary multilayer cushioning system. The soft, upper layer luxuriously cushions your feet while the firm, lower layer provides soothing support. You'll want an Imprint Comfort Mat everywhere you work and stand--kitchen, laundry, bathroom, garage, workshop and more.

Durable construction will keep your mat looking and feeling good for years to come. We're so confident, we back it with a 7-year warranty.

Resistant to stains and abrasions

Anti-microbial top surface

Cleans up with just soap and water

Stays flat.
No-curl edges and stay-flat memory technology reduce trip hazard while the non-slip bottom keeps mat in place.

No-curl edges

Stay-flat memory

Non-slip bottom

Cumulus9 is manufactured using our proprietary eco9 technology without toxic heavy metals.


Phthalate free

Safe for children and pets

University Tested and Proven
Imprint Comfort Mats are the only anti-fatigue mats tested and proven to significantly reduce overall fatigue and discomfort by up to 60%. You'll love how it conforms to the shape of your feet while supporting your arches providing soothing relief of back, leg and foot discomfort.

Available in a wide variety of designs, sizes, and colors Nantucket Series 20-inch by 36-inch Espresso, Cinnamon, Mocha, Black, Flatiron, Creme

20-inch by 72-inch Espresso, Cinnamon, Mocha, Black, Flatiron, Creme 26-inch by 48-inch Espresso, Cinnamon, Mocha, Black 26-inch by 72-inch Espresso, Cinnamon, Mocha, Black Cobblestone Series 20-inch by 36-inch Espresso, Toffee Brown

26-inch by 48-inch Espresso, Toffee Brown 26-inch by 72-inch Espresso, Toffee Brown Croco Series 20-inch by 36-inch Goose, Cajun Toffee

26-inch by 48-inch Goose, Cajun Toffee 26-inch by 72-inch Goose, Cajun Toffee CumulusPro Commercial Grade Series 24-inch by 36-inch Black, Espresso Brown

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Sunday, November 24, 2013

My own everest

With a fiery rage my legs burned, there was a sharp pain-filled lightening storm brewing in my back and my  shoulders feel like the literal weight of the world has crashed down on them...yikes. So what has happened to me, you ask....well dear friends I have been victorious today. I hiked. enough said right!

I know I'm very proud of myself! It's an incredibly big deal, I feel like a party should be thrown. It's been.............I don't know how long since last I hiked, and I think it showed just a little bit as my huffing and puffing gave the big bad wold a run for his money. The majority of the time I hiked I couldn't help but think about the gossip that would follow, I mean sick people don't hike do they? and oh how much better I must be feeling now that I'm hiking. It's been bad enough not looking as sick as I feel but, oh the scandal of hiking! LOL. 

All that comes to mind is the quote “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”― Albert Einstein. I'm having a other people have those?

The thing about a fish climbing a tree is that it is not a probable thing. Thus if it does it wasn't it may not come down once it is up, or it may not do it again. Or in my case it may have been told that it probably couldn't climb the tree at all.