Last week I ended up back in the hospital from thursday to saturday which suffice to say was not fun. So seven hole and bruise from needles, a stint on too many hard drugs, and an added drug to my collection, later I am no better. I went in because I seem to have an awful stabbing sensation on the lower right of my abdomen which the walk-in dr. the week before said to go in if it got worse because likely they would have to take a second organ, my appendix. Yet, I'd been avoiding the hospital even the though the pain is unbearable, it was an issue with bleeding that brought me in. Reasonably I figured blood equals important enough to not mess around with. Originally, the Dr. (who in his case was reasonably nice which is note able) didn't think they'd have to keep me so I acquired some nasty needle in the lets say side cause it sounds a lot nicer....there are now purple bruises...which if you've never had one, imagine the feeling of someone playing darts on you. It's not fun. At first I naively thought allowed "wow, that really hurt but wasn't as bad as an IV" now this could have been because I was just very excited they didn't want to hook tubes up to me and get me drugged right up. Well, that lasted maybe a half hour before they decided that I was still in a lot of pain which almost always equals the tubes. I didn't want to be tubed...but they did. And to my dismay the nurse looked at my arm with it's tiny veins and decided right below my thumb was a good spot to put it. I kindly warned him that, that wasn't a great spot as it normally doesn't work out or work for very long. It's the most painful for me, as it either takes a few tries, slips out which means a re-do, or is painful every time I move. Yet, he didn't listen and assured me, who has experience with my body, and IV's that it'd be okay....it slipped out the very next day. So now that I was hooked up on a Saline (In medicine, saline is a general phrase referring to a sterile solution of sodium chloride in water but is only sterile when it is to be placed parenterally, otherwise, a saline solution is a salt water solution. so..water for hydration) and Hydro-Morphine which is 6 times stronger than normal morphine, and deciding to keep me, sent me up to the overflow unit which was barely functioning with 8 patients and two nurses who mostly talked about tires..... Any who, they decided to send me for an ultrasound in the morning which was normal, although I don't know what they thought they would find by missing the appendix altogether which I thought was the whole point in even coming in, and staying... The lady doing it seemed in a hurry at the time I can't say I thought it would show anything after she rubbed it quickly over the wrong area n sent me out. Yet, the second time she got the appendix and it showed nothing, same with the blood work. So after switching me over to a new pain medication and then sending me off with an at home test and prescription for it at home they sent me on my way.
So, I have a colonoscopy date to check for Crohn's on Dec.10th and a formal diagnosis of Hashimoto's, Endometriosis, and Fibromyalgia. The last of which isn't very conclusive at all as Fibromyalgia a very really pain disorder but is also a catch-all disorder which really just means that if you've suffered with undiagnosed chronic pain you too can be diagnosed now with Fibromyalgia as it is unknown what is causing the pain. It is know that there are three types of causes that initially started the pain but, still no idea why it's there. Thus, it's probably the least satisfying thing to get diagnosed with because it's saying we know you've been suffering with extreme pain we don't know why, but this catch-all phrase will make you feel better kinda like a Dr. giving you a metaphorical sucker and hoping it'll make you feel better and stop asking what's causing the pain. At least thats how it feels.
Monday and today have shown that the blood is back.. Which is either bad or bad, yet I can't get around not wanting to go back but we'll see how long that lasts for the pain worsening and all. I can't help but think that even though theres blood it alarmed the Dr. but didn't show anything, all the tests were normal, and they did release me, so how bad can bad be? and when is blood too bad? Days of it, weeks of it, or months? It kinda confuses me and makes me think that in spite of the pain I might be able to either last with the blood without going back, or wait till it shows something else. Because either way nothing other than over-drugging, and painful blood tests and IV's will come of it...and if it's just pain and no answers I have a rather hard time returning when I'm in enough pain for one small body on my own thanks. I definitely don't need to be pushed over the edge with needles and drugs. Having been in there, I kinda think they made me worse like a catch and release fish they reeled me in thinking they could help then hurt me and let me go. Now I have the same pain in the side worsening, with head pains, hip pains, bruises, holes from IV's and various attempts at getting an IV in, which mind you takes double as long to heal, and on top of it all the sniffles. Which have been keeping me up till 4AM then waking me at 5, 6, 7, etc. cause I can hardly breathe. I'm falling apart like a raggedy Anne doll...it's not good and it's all I can do to try and plug away at school. In which I have history papers due every monday, a 450 page book to read and write an essay on for next week, and the start of midterms the following week after that......so extra pain + sniffles + blood + midterms and papers + lack of sleep = very very sick and tired of being sick and tired...getting tireder....sometimes it feels like it'll all collapse in on me eventually, yet rationally it can't. Because, the worst that could happen is I'm hospitalized, which could mean answers and pain, or just pain but even then it's inevitable that I'll get out again. And so I am determined to get through... it will be okay, not because it is okay but, because it must be okay, and eventually it will... it's as inevitable as pain is that it will also be okay in spite of it all.
And Thanksgiving with turkey and family is coming up, I love family, and holidays! Have I mentioned I'm a huge huge fan of holidays and traditions so thanksgivings something small to at least look forward too! Plus, almost even more exciting which I realize is ridiculous, Pillsbury dough boy has halloween cookies out!!! which I'm eating!!!! YAY!!! they have cute little ghosts on them.. it's important to remember that it's the small bright things that matter :) I'm also equally stoked that after halloween which equals candy, comes CHRISTMAS which equals christmas train, christmas lights, snow, and that cozy friendly feeling that gets in the air! And sipping hot coco while picking out christmas trees to cut down and, then decorating it!! And decorations being hung in all the stores! But above all family traditions I love! And although I'm huge about holidays I still think it's weird when some one gets ahead of the times and sings a christmas carol in my class, I mean come on that's so out of order, your skipping other great holidays.
When I got out of the hospital my husband got me roses, which he even biked all the way I don't know where to get, very sweet. As we still have yet to get a car..and now they're roses that I get to admire that much more in the wee hours of the night as I sniffle along :) Also note worthy, our cat Snuffleupagus has become a lot sweeter now that her fleas are gone, she's always happy to jump through the shower window and greet me in the morning and throughout the day. As is her BFF Panda Bear the fat black cat, who has a hard time getting through the window but once in enjoys snuggling in my lap. Now, don't think I'm a cat person cause I'm not, but I love these two :) they're keeping me company when I'm in bed in pain and I enjoy that sooo much cause they curl up in little cute balls, or chase each other around the shower curtain.
And now I must must return to that darn textbook I'm avoiding.
~ElysiaB
PS support is always needed :)
So, I have a colonoscopy date to check for Crohn's on Dec.10th and a formal diagnosis of Hashimoto's, Endometriosis, and Fibromyalgia. The last of which isn't very conclusive at all as Fibromyalgia a very really pain disorder but is also a catch-all disorder which really just means that if you've suffered with undiagnosed chronic pain you too can be diagnosed now with Fibromyalgia as it is unknown what is causing the pain. It is know that there are three types of causes that initially started the pain but, still no idea why it's there. Thus, it's probably the least satisfying thing to get diagnosed with because it's saying we know you've been suffering with extreme pain we don't know why, but this catch-all phrase will make you feel better kinda like a Dr. giving you a metaphorical sucker and hoping it'll make you feel better and stop asking what's causing the pain. At least thats how it feels.
Monday and today have shown that the blood is back.. Which is either bad or bad, yet I can't get around not wanting to go back but we'll see how long that lasts for the pain worsening and all. I can't help but think that even though theres blood it alarmed the Dr. but didn't show anything, all the tests were normal, and they did release me, so how bad can bad be? and when is blood too bad? Days of it, weeks of it, or months? It kinda confuses me and makes me think that in spite of the pain I might be able to either last with the blood without going back, or wait till it shows something else. Because either way nothing other than over-drugging, and painful blood tests and IV's will come of it...and if it's just pain and no answers I have a rather hard time returning when I'm in enough pain for one small body on my own thanks. I definitely don't need to be pushed over the edge with needles and drugs. Having been in there, I kinda think they made me worse like a catch and release fish they reeled me in thinking they could help then hurt me and let me go. Now I have the same pain in the side worsening, with head pains, hip pains, bruises, holes from IV's and various attempts at getting an IV in, which mind you takes double as long to heal, and on top of it all the sniffles. Which have been keeping me up till 4AM then waking me at 5, 6, 7, etc. cause I can hardly breathe. I'm falling apart like a raggedy Anne doll...it's not good and it's all I can do to try and plug away at school. In which I have history papers due every monday, a 450 page book to read and write an essay on for next week, and the start of midterms the following week after that......so extra pain + sniffles + blood + midterms and papers + lack of sleep = very very sick and tired of being sick and tired...getting tireder....sometimes it feels like it'll all collapse in on me eventually, yet rationally it can't. Because, the worst that could happen is I'm hospitalized, which could mean answers and pain, or just pain but even then it's inevitable that I'll get out again. And so I am determined to get through... it will be okay, not because it is okay but, because it must be okay, and eventually it will... it's as inevitable as pain is that it will also be okay in spite of it all.
And Thanksgiving with turkey and family is coming up, I love family, and holidays! Have I mentioned I'm a huge huge fan of holidays and traditions so thanksgivings something small to at least look forward too! Plus, almost even more exciting which I realize is ridiculous, Pillsbury dough boy has halloween cookies out!!! which I'm eating!!!! YAY!!! they have cute little ghosts on them.. it's important to remember that it's the small bright things that matter :) I'm also equally stoked that after halloween which equals candy, comes CHRISTMAS which equals christmas train, christmas lights, snow, and that cozy friendly feeling that gets in the air! And sipping hot coco while picking out christmas trees to cut down and, then decorating it!! And decorations being hung in all the stores! But above all family traditions I love! And although I'm huge about holidays I still think it's weird when some one gets ahead of the times and sings a christmas carol in my class, I mean come on that's so out of order, your skipping other great holidays.
When I got out of the hospital my husband got me roses, which he even biked all the way I don't know where to get, very sweet. As we still have yet to get a car..and now they're roses that I get to admire that much more in the wee hours of the night as I sniffle along :) Also note worthy, our cat Snuffleupagus has become a lot sweeter now that her fleas are gone, she's always happy to jump through the shower window and greet me in the morning and throughout the day. As is her BFF Panda Bear the fat black cat, who has a hard time getting through the window but once in enjoys snuggling in my lap. Now, don't think I'm a cat person cause I'm not, but I love these two :) they're keeping me company when I'm in bed in pain and I enjoy that sooo much cause they curl up in little cute balls, or chase each other around the shower curtain.
And now I must must return to that darn textbook I'm avoiding.
~ElysiaB
PS support is always needed :)
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