So, since midterms, I've been mainly slammed with research paper after research paper, and then cleaning, cooking, sleeping and repeat. Although these papers are killers of my energy, I seem to learn a lot more from them then from studying. I really enjoy my addictions counselling course, I had to write a research paper on the addiction to cutting which at first sounded gross because the first article I read on it was way to descriptive. I even started to avoid the paper after reading the article about cutting. Yet when I bucked-up and got back to researching I found only empathy within myself. All I wanted to do after was volunteer to mentoring these types of teens or just be there for them. After you get past the word "cutting" and read more into the causes you start to see it for what it is, a coping mechanism. Yet, this coping mechanism is more similar the russian roulette than a calming cup of tea, it's more dangerous and more tragic in it's form. Teen's who similarly self harm are doing so mainly because they don't have the skills they need to cope with the crisis going on. This I suppose triggers all sorts of emotions in me, yet empathy is the strongest. My illness is not easy to cope with and sometimes just knocks me right out, I feel overwhelmed and similarly, like I have no skills do deal with what is being thrown at me. Thus, writing this research paper stirred up my passion for counselling in these types of crisis situations.
But now, research papers are over and it's a week before final exams...and yet again my illness decides it's a perfect time to rear it's ugly head. Yet, life continues and I study in bed with medications that take half the pain away and the rest is just a down right mean, bully, of a illness. So on my breaks I've been watching House, who's sarcasm I just love! I feel as though we've become friends, I wish I could transport him out my TV and to my living room so he could fix me :) I'd even bake him brownies. But, Don't worry I'm not delusion I know he's not real. Yet, my doctor, told me a while back that I need doctor House, not exactly confidence building stuff, but I guess he's not delusional either we both know that no one knows what I have causing this much pain. Last time, I went in to see my doctor he made some good other references though, to that new vampire movie, which name completely escapes me right now, and he also referenced X-Men so I guess if he can't fix me at least he's funny, that's a positive to seeing him.
Today, I know I should've gone into the walk-in for the pain in my back and stomach, but I've done it so many times that I just can't reason going. After four years of going sitting and waiting for 45 minutes to an hour for a walk-in doctor cause my actual doctor is busy till the following week. Then finally get in to see this walk-in doctor and after explaining my thyroid, fibromyalgia and neuropathic pain, then all the medications for those, and finally getting to what brought me in. The doctor asks questions, checks for a cold with the tongue depressor, ear temperature, and then the worst part they press really hard on where I'm hurting and all to state that they don't know which seems patronizing yet I know thy tried their best. And then due to Hashimoto's attacking my immune system I catch a cold from some one in the office nearly 9 times out of 10. For all that, I figure I'm better off to stay in my cozy bed and get studying done if I can.
In other news, I've decorated or basement suite for christmas, cause I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, holidays and festivities! So, I put out the really tiny silver christmas tree, that's so small I had to put on the dining room table or else we wouldn't see it. Then I put out my silver reindeer, so santa feels at home when he comes! And after a trip to MCC in which I spent almost all my spending money and came back with a crock pot for (3$) which makes delicious stews while I study, and christmas ornaments (4$) which I've hung with thread from the ceiling so it looks like the little colourful balls are floating. And for that christmasy glow, since we don't have a fire place I bought two christmasy candles (2$), a big silver one and a big gold one shaped like a christmas tree! My best christmas present this year though is having a great husband to go through life with :) God is good.
I wonder if other people write christmas lists after the childhood, I know I sure do. I wrote Santa and told him I'd like a Dr.House to come and fix me, but second to that was a cozy sweater and well my highlighter just died on me so one of those too. Hehe. However this year when telling people what I'd like (realistically) I was rather stumped I don't know what I'd like I'm happy and content with everything I have a cozy home, a best friend/husband, going to school, and a God who loves me.
-ElysiaB
But now, research papers are over and it's a week before final exams...and yet again my illness decides it's a perfect time to rear it's ugly head. Yet, life continues and I study in bed with medications that take half the pain away and the rest is just a down right mean, bully, of a illness. So on my breaks I've been watching House, who's sarcasm I just love! I feel as though we've become friends, I wish I could transport him out my TV and to my living room so he could fix me :) I'd even bake him brownies. But, Don't worry I'm not delusion I know he's not real. Yet, my doctor, told me a while back that I need doctor House, not exactly confidence building stuff, but I guess he's not delusional either we both know that no one knows what I have causing this much pain. Last time, I went in to see my doctor he made some good other references though, to that new vampire movie, which name completely escapes me right now, and he also referenced X-Men so I guess if he can't fix me at least he's funny, that's a positive to seeing him.
Today, I know I should've gone into the walk-in for the pain in my back and stomach, but I've done it so many times that I just can't reason going. After four years of going sitting and waiting for 45 minutes to an hour for a walk-in doctor cause my actual doctor is busy till the following week. Then finally get in to see this walk-in doctor and after explaining my thyroid, fibromyalgia and neuropathic pain, then all the medications for those, and finally getting to what brought me in. The doctor asks questions, checks for a cold with the tongue depressor, ear temperature, and then the worst part they press really hard on where I'm hurting and all to state that they don't know which seems patronizing yet I know thy tried their best. And then due to Hashimoto's attacking my immune system I catch a cold from some one in the office nearly 9 times out of 10. For all that, I figure I'm better off to stay in my cozy bed and get studying done if I can.
In other news, I've decorated or basement suite for christmas, cause I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, holidays and festivities! So, I put out the really tiny silver christmas tree, that's so small I had to put on the dining room table or else we wouldn't see it. Then I put out my silver reindeer, so santa feels at home when he comes! And after a trip to MCC in which I spent almost all my spending money and came back with a crock pot for (3$) which makes delicious stews while I study, and christmas ornaments (4$) which I've hung with thread from the ceiling so it looks like the little colourful balls are floating. And for that christmasy glow, since we don't have a fire place I bought two christmasy candles (2$), a big silver one and a big gold one shaped like a christmas tree! My best christmas present this year though is having a great husband to go through life with :) God is good.
I wonder if other people write christmas lists after the childhood, I know I sure do. I wrote Santa and told him I'd like a Dr.House to come and fix me, but second to that was a cozy sweater and well my highlighter just died on me so one of those too. Hehe. However this year when telling people what I'd like (realistically) I was rather stumped I don't know what I'd like I'm happy and content with everything I have a cozy home, a best friend/husband, going to school, and a God who loves me.
-ElysiaB
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