I haven't posted anything in a while, and I can't say I'm sorry because I just haven't had anything to say. But, that's not to say I have anything to say now. Now I just feel tired of not saying anything. It's not that I've been better, or been worse, I've sort of just been. However, I read this quote today "I have pretended to go mad in order to tell you the things I need to. I call it art. Because art is the word we give to our feelings made public. And art doesn’t worry anyone." I don't particularly know who said it, but it reminded me that I miss art, because when you have those days where you feel so much good or bad or both, arts just kinda the greatest thing in the world because you can work out how you feel while you paint and know one has to know how you feel. Sometimes I look back on a painting and I think wow theres some real passion and emotion in there but I can't remember what I felt when I painted it, I just know I felt better after. Art is beautiful because it's in the eye of the beholder, everyone who looks at the same painting will think it means something else. For some reason or another I happened across this page and I'm really glad I did because then I happened to also come across this video, you should watch right now.
I found the guy very curious as he goes about the video and in the beginning of it I think he's making a point about history repeating itself, and then in the middle he makes me very sad, thinking of where we are at and close to the end I'm highly entertained by the preposterous thing people are saying to questions he asks them. And when it's over I'm just glad I watched it. Then I went back to the page I had come across which is a tumblr that I also liked.
It feels like I've been at that place where it matters the most, and sometimes I'm just not sure if I'm sinking or swimming. That reminds me of this book I read a very long time ago in almost as good as a different life, it was called "Reviving Orphelia" by Mary Pipher a clinical psychologist who worked with troubled teenage girls, she's always been a bit of a hero of mine. I should read read that book. I'm not sure I write for others as much as I just wish to clarify my thinking in a way that can also help others clarify theirs. It would be a wonderful thing to believe in yourself when it's hard to believe in yourself. I'm not sure I'm quite there yet..but is anyone really? I mean if our thoughts were broadcasted on a radio frequency anyone could listen to would we be ashamed? It's easy to reflect on others and give advice or criticism, yet when it comes to us deep down, we don't really enjoy reflecting on us or our weaknesses because what if we find something we have to deal with. It would be hard then, hard to push through or face. What would people hear you thinking? are you lying out-loud about yourself? or others?
In chapel a guy at school spoke about faith and trusting God and how it's easy to trust him when every things going good but it's hard to trust him or have faith in him when we don't know what's going on, at least thats what I got out of it. Afterward people were called to the front to deal with their pride, or have a time to pray. And it was a good time to have with God, there was people praying aloud, speaking in tongues, others praying something out of someone, and others singing. And after this week beginning at a practicum with rehabilitating young girls who were acting.. to put it nicely chaotically screaming, and then to end in this chapel with this unusual stuff going on (this isn't to say that anything about it was wrong) I realized I felt nothing but calm. These things didn't scare me, shock me, or throw me off...they were just happened around me and I was calm in each circumstance. While the screaming at the beginning of the week was going on I just wanted to help, I saw these girls as being somewhere scary and new and could understand their screaming and confusion. I saw the staff tired and frustrated and I understood that in their position it was frustrating to deal with consistently, and in chapel I saw people coming and meeting God where they were at and that's awesome. And, I'm finding myself surprised by the fact that not a lot surprised me maybe it's because all I've seen or just what I'm going through inside.
A guest speaker that I highly admire came to our counselling class and talked about his career in the crisis field and how it's began and gone for him. It was highly encouraging to hear as at one point he stated that after everything you've been taught, you have all this training but when you go into a situation it’s like “wow, never seen anything this bad” “what do I do?" When I enter into a situation as I did this week I feel inadequate, acutely aware that I don't know what to do, yet thinking back to what he had said made me feel comfort in the uncomfortable.
I found the guy very curious as he goes about the video and in the beginning of it I think he's making a point about history repeating itself, and then in the middle he makes me very sad, thinking of where we are at and close to the end I'm highly entertained by the preposterous thing people are saying to questions he asks them. And when it's over I'm just glad I watched it. Then I went back to the page I had come across which is a tumblr that I also liked.
It feels like I've been at that place where it matters the most, and sometimes I'm just not sure if I'm sinking or swimming. That reminds me of this book I read a very long time ago in almost as good as a different life, it was called "Reviving Orphelia" by Mary Pipher a clinical psychologist who worked with troubled teenage girls, she's always been a bit of a hero of mine. I should read read that book. I'm not sure I write for others as much as I just wish to clarify my thinking in a way that can also help others clarify theirs. It would be a wonderful thing to believe in yourself when it's hard to believe in yourself. I'm not sure I'm quite there yet..but is anyone really? I mean if our thoughts were broadcasted on a radio frequency anyone could listen to would we be ashamed? It's easy to reflect on others and give advice or criticism, yet when it comes to us deep down, we don't really enjoy reflecting on us or our weaknesses because what if we find something we have to deal with. It would be hard then, hard to push through or face. What would people hear you thinking? are you lying out-loud about yourself? or others?
In chapel a guy at school spoke about faith and trusting God and how it's easy to trust him when every things going good but it's hard to trust him or have faith in him when we don't know what's going on, at least thats what I got out of it. Afterward people were called to the front to deal with their pride, or have a time to pray. And it was a good time to have with God, there was people praying aloud, speaking in tongues, others praying something out of someone, and others singing. And after this week beginning at a practicum with rehabilitating young girls who were acting.. to put it nicely chaotically screaming, and then to end in this chapel with this unusual stuff going on (this isn't to say that anything about it was wrong) I realized I felt nothing but calm. These things didn't scare me, shock me, or throw me off...they were just happened around me and I was calm in each circumstance. While the screaming at the beginning of the week was going on I just wanted to help, I saw these girls as being somewhere scary and new and could understand their screaming and confusion. I saw the staff tired and frustrated and I understood that in their position it was frustrating to deal with consistently, and in chapel I saw people coming and meeting God where they were at and that's awesome. And, I'm finding myself surprised by the fact that not a lot surprised me maybe it's because all I've seen or just what I'm going through inside.
A guest speaker that I highly admire came to our counselling class and talked about his career in the crisis field and how it's began and gone for him. It was highly encouraging to hear as at one point he stated that after everything you've been taught, you have all this training but when you go into a situation it’s like “wow, never seen anything this bad” “what do I do?" When I enter into a situation as I did this week I feel inadequate, acutely aware that I don't know what to do, yet thinking back to what he had said made me feel comfort in the uncomfortable.
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